Tag Archives: energy drink review

[Energy Drink Review] Sol Mate (Original)

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Sol Mate is one of the most basic energy drinks I’ve ever consumed. It ditches the high levels of chemical enhancers and instead utilizes with a bare bones, all natural, organic formula composed almost entirely of sparkling Yerba Mate. For those of you (myself included) who have no idea, Yerba Mate is a cleansing herb native to Spain and is said to have a myriad of health benefits, and is very commonly used as an ingredient in modern energy drinks.

How does the drink’s slogan, “Just Energy, No Jitters” hold up? It’s review time!

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[Energy Drink Review] Slurm

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Futurama is one of my favorite shows of all time, and it is easily one of the best television programs to hit the tube in recent years. The character, setting, concept, and execution all put this show far above most others during its much too short four season lifetime, after which it was criminally canceled by the selfish assholes at Fox. I’ll never forgive them.

In the television show, Slurm is the greatest canned beverage of the year 3000. Seemingly perfect in every way, there isn’t a single person who dislikes it. That is, of course, until it is discovered that Slurm consists purely and entirely of a giant worm’s anus discharge. Even after this discovery, main character Fry simply cannot get enough of the delightful green liquid. It’s that good.

I don’t know what kind of worm’s ass they are sucking this real life Slurm out of, but it tastes just how I’d expect a worm’s anus slime to taste. Continue reading →

[Energy Review] Crave Energy Drink Mix

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CraveOverview:

I have had only two experiences with energy powders prior to Crave, both of which were very bad. The first time I encountered an energy mix was not my choice, as former contributor Tate Molnar decided to ruin all of our drinking water by adding some disgusting mix to it while we were camping. The second time I decided to snort it, which is just plain stupid.

But because of these two experiences, I have refused to go anywhere near any kind of energy mix for quite some time. Finally over my ludicrous fear of powdered energy, I’ve decided to give these little packets another shot, this time in the form of Crave Energy Drink.

It’s review time.

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[Energy Drink Review] All City NRG

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All CityStraight from the Can:

Going ‘All City” means going all out. All City is a term used to describe New York street artists who have made their mark in all five boroughs. Originating in Brooklyn, AriZona pays tribut to the passion & creativity of these artists with a bold, new, energy-infused beverage for the ‘City that never sleeps.’ Keep moving. All day. All night. All City.

This authentic Limited Edition can has been designed by acclaimed artists, Vincent “Fact One” Ficarra of Mpire, as part of a “Subway Series.” Collect them all.

Is All City the real deal, or is it just a toy? It’s review time!

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[Energy Drink Review] eFusjon Edge

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eFusjonEdgeStraight from the Can:

The all natural, antioxidant, acai berry energy drink with caffeine is finally here. It offers remarkable taste, packs temendous energy, and delivers health and vitality! Whether you’re 18 or 80. Efusjon’s “EDGE”, is a delicious energy drink that gives your body exactly what it needs to thrive throughout the day! We have brought together the energy packed acai berry, many other nutrients, and caffeine to give you just the healthy boost you are looking for.

So start your day with the delicious, nutritious energy your body and taste buds will crave! Cheers!

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[Energy Drink Review] Black Jack Gunpowder Green Energy Tea

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blackjackgunpowdergreenStraight from the Can:

Captain’s Log: 17 July, 1677

What a grand day this 17 of July be. With faithful Grog as lookout, me crew boarded the Grand Madame in the dead of night and by morn more than the night lay dead. The treasure, rare teas from the seven seas with tastes more satisfyin than my last port call. Our plunder, we be warned, does strange things… desires, urges, energy of gunpowder. On taste moves men in ways known only in the depths of the blue. For the Grand Madame and her crew… Twas their last taste…

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[Energy Shot Review] Mr. Energy 8-Hour Shot

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Overview:

8hourshotWhen it comes to energy shots, five hours is usually the accepted amount of time a boost should last. But why? Work shifts aren’t five hours. School days aren’t five hours. Why settle for around half of what you want when there is a product out there that can give you exactly what you need.

Ladies and gentlemen, the 8-Hour Energy Shot, formulated to last all day long with no traceable crash. Can this little bottle really deliver on such huge promises? We’re about to find out, because it’s review time! Continue reading →

[Energy Drink Review] Turn Left

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turnleftOverview:

Energy drinks are supposed to make you move fast. Cars move fast. Especially race cars. Race cars usually only turn left. Get it? That is where this drink got it’s name. But if you think that’s stupid, then you should hear the drink’s slogan: “Turn Left Twice and Turn Your Day Around.” Continue reading →

[Energy Drink Review] G Pure Energy: Lulo Lime (Zero Calories)

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gpurelulolimeOverview:

Some of the greatest things you’ll ever do in your life are natural. Nudity is the first thing that comes to my mind, but some people think that having a natural and healthy diet and lifestyle can be the most rewarding thing out there. They’ve obviously never ran through the public park naked.

So for those of you who are afraid to tear off your boxers and show off what your momma (or God, depending on your religious views) gave you, there are drinks like G Pure Energy, a zero calorie energy drink that is formulated to give you a kick in the pants (unless you don’t wear pants, like myself) without the diabetes.

Can G Pure Energy: Lulo Lime really feel more natural than nudity? No, but at least it won’t get you arrested. Continue reading →

[Energy Drink Review] Guru Juicy: Tangerine

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gurujuicytangerineOverview:

I’ve had some pretty bad experiences with organic energy drinks. I’ve also had some very bearable experiences with organic energy drinks. I can’t honestly say, sadly, that I’ve ever had a good or enjoyable experience with an organic energy drink.

So given my past experiences with organic drinks I was approaching this beverage expecting the worst but hoping for something that wouldn’t suck. Honestly, my expectations for Guru were much higher than with any other organic drink I’ve had thanks to the brand’s reputation for making decent drinks.

It’s review time! Continue reading →