Tag Archives: awful

[Drink Review] Black Jack: Calypso Green Tea (Fifty Things I’d Rather Do Than Drink This Stuff Ever Again)

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Black Jack’s Calypso Green Tea is one of, if not the worst thing I’ve ever drank. So, instead of writing a review and discussing the different attributes of the product as I normally would, I’ve decided to make a list of Fifty things I would rather do than drink this stuff ever again.

  1. Eat an oven roasted baby corpse
  2. Share the corpse with my dog
  3. Kill my dog
  4. Eat my dead dog
  5. Get raped
  6. Get raped by Dr. Phil
  7. Get raped by my own mother
  8. Cook my penis and feed it to Dr. Phil
  9. Use Ben Gay as lube for masturbation
  10. Stuff a lizard inside my pee hole Continue reading →

[Movie Review] Couples Retreat

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couples retreat reviewSometimes I like to punish myself by laboring through movies I have no interest in, just to see what the general movie going populous seems to enjoy. I feel it’s a valuable trait in a reviewer to not only review stuff you are expecting to enjoy, but to review stuff you might not be as excited about. However, these usually seem to be self-fulfilling prophecies when it comes to movies because Couples Retreat is freaking terrible.

The premise is as paper thin as paper thin it gets. A group of friends go to an island resort to investigate their relationships. There is the couple on the verge of divorce, the couple that is happy on the surface, the high school sweethearts who now loathe each other, and the recent divorcee and his young girlfriend. Stereotypical relationships to be sure, but with good writing those stereotypes would at the least be  humorous (which I’m guessing was the intent). Continue reading →

The Worst Entertainment Pieces of the Decade

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After the smashing success (by which I mean, slightly less than appalling failure) of my Top Movies of the Decade List, I felt compelled to compile a list that goes in the exact opposite direction. But while it’s nice to play dress up on this site, I am hardly a professional critic. Throw in being poor, and it becomes increasingly difficult for me to accumulate enough items in various entertainment mediums to compile an entire list of pieces I hate in each particular category.

Luckily, monetary issues haven’t prevented me from encountering a great deal of things I detest from all aspects of entertainment. So at the risk of robbing the world of my amusing and articulate observations, I have decided to mash all my hatred into one big, self-indulgent piece. With that, I present to you my list chronicling the most malodorous individual pieces of excrement which have flowed from the bowels of the entertainment industry over the past ten years. Continue reading →