[Movie Review] Kick-Ass

Posted on May 5, 2010 by Andrew Majors

Dave Lisewski is the traditional high-school ghost. He exists only to his friends, fantasizes about his English teacher, has a crush on a hot girl, hangs out at a comic book store, and so on. Dave starts to wonder out loud why nobody ever tries to be a super hero. So he buys a scuba suit, starts a MySpace account, and begins trying to do it.

Only it goes terribly wrong right out of the gate because he has no power, no training, and no real skills. As Kick-Ass, he usually ends up getting his ass kicked (as Big Daddy loves to point out), and he contemplates quitting numerous times. But it’s the desire to do good that compels him to continue down his chosen path of masked vigilante. He meets some other avengers along the way, and ends up involved in a very personal battle with Frank D’Amico, the father of one of his classmates and criminal mastermind. Continue reading →

[Concert Review] My Morning Jacket at the Lifestyle Communities Pavillion

Posted on May 4, 2010 by Casual Clay Cunningham

As I often make a point of complaining about on this site, I don’t have a lot in my life to get excited about. Knowing this, I was more than a bit eager to make my way to Columbus, Ohio on Sunday to catch a performance by My Morning Jacket, a band whose music I have become thoroughly obsessed with in recent months, on the last stop of their spring tour.

And while I naturally had to go through Hell to get to the show (hours and hours of driving, little to no sleep, a very public suspicion of DUI traffic stop((I haven’t had so much as a sip of alcohol in five years)), miserable rainy conditions at the venue, etc.), the end result was anything but disappointing. Continue reading →

Amp Energy Gum Review on Caffeine Critic!

Posted on May 4, 2010 by XAQuiri Daiquiri

Are you looking for a delicious way to freshen your breath and get a quick boost of energy? Then look elsewhere, because Amp Energy Gum is one of the worst energy products I’ve ever experienced.

Topics covered in my review on Caffeine Critic include, but are not limited to, the Holocaust, incest bisexuality amongst nuns, dead babies being eaten by vultures, and dry butt rape. That’s right, all of those comparisons were drawn to indicate exactly how awful this gum truly is. I feel awful for writing such an offensive article, but it is for the good of my readers. Oh, and bestiality also gets a mention.

I suggest heading on over to Caffeine Critic to read the entire review.

Vanilla Nut Case Energy Coffee Review on Caffeine Critic!

Posted on May 1, 2010 by XAQuiri Daiquiri

I love vanilla. Those of you who followed my energy reviews on Everyview.com religiously (Hi, mom!) probably know that. It is my favorite flavor of all time. Vanilla cake, vanilla ice cream, vanilla coffee, vanilla chocolate, vanilla, vanilla clam chowder — anything vanilla is almost always a complete treat for me. Except for the vanilla clam chowder. That was fucking awful.

At any rate, I picked up a few drinks to review on the site yesterday, and one of them was Adina Vanilla Nut Case. Actually, the entire text on the front of the can reads: “Adina Natural Highs Vanilla Nut Case Fair Trade Colombian coffee with Milk Antioxidant Booster Coffee Energy Drink.” Yeah, I know. But regardless of how obnoxious the can may be, with words all over it and shit, I’m hoping Vanilla Nut Case will prove to be one of those magical concoctions that I dream about for months to come.

Read the full review on Caffeine Critic!

[Movie Review] Anitchrist

Posted on April 30, 2010 by Casual Clay Cunningham

Warning: Review may contain spoilers.

I am well aware that no one who visits this site regularly gives a shit about the obscure movies I review. So knowing what a colossal waste of time such critiques are, it serves me well only to write them when dealing with movies which truly evoke a strong emotional reaction out of me.

Antichrist, to say the least, is such a film.

Plot Outline:

During a bout of passionate sex, a therapist (Willem Dafoe) and his writer wife (Charlotte Gainsbourg) shut off the baby monitor to their young son’s room so as not to be disturbed. Things turn tragic when the precocious kid falls to his death from an open window.

After she collapses at the funeral, the therapist decides to take it upon himself to help his wife work through her grief by taking her to a deep woods cabin called Eden (get it?) where she spent the previous summer with her son working on a thesis paper about women through history, and whether they are intrinsically evil or simply misunderstood. Naturally, things turn ugly. Continue reading →

[Tech Review] Zune HD

Posted on April 29, 2010 by XAQuiri Daiquiri

I’m willing to bet that 93% of the people reading this have an iPod, some variation, for their primary MP3 player. 5.5% probably have some cheaper alternative that they bought because it was all they could afford, but likely wish they had an iPod. Another 1% of people may use their phone for an MP3 player. .3% of you might still use some archaic portable player. .2% might not even listen to music at all.

But what about that remaining .1%? These people might use the Zune or Zune HD. I’m sure a good amount of the people reading this are thinking about buying a Zune HD because they refuse to support Apple but want a solid music player, and just need a few opinions to make that final decision for them. Allow me to help. Continue reading →

[Music Review] Minus the Bear “Omni”

Posted on April 28, 2010 by Andrew Majors

God bless progressive musicians who make their music available to fans without fear of losing a dollar or two. When so many artists are quick to claim the internet as a rogue state the provides music to the masses *gasp* for free, there are plenty of artists who use the new medium to put their music out there without consequence. People are free to explore and find new types of music they enjoy.

I recently reviewed MGMT’s Congratulations, and was able to get a couple of weeks head start listening to an album that I had been anticipating for a long time. I enjoy being rewarded for being an impatient fan. It’s the same story with Minus the Bear’s new album Omni, which isn’t set for a physical release until May 4th. But their official website, minusthebear.com, links you to a stream that allows you to listen to the entire album in full.

Allow me to start the formal part of the review by saying this: Go to the website, and listen to this album. And then, when you realize how awesome it actually is, go buy it on May 4th. Buy a physical copy on the website, at a record store, buy it on Itunes, whatever. Just buy it. It’s that good. I haven’t urged anyone to buy an album this much since I single-handedly proclaimed the New Radicals “Band of the 90s” in 1998. Continue reading →

Drank: Extreme Relaxation Beverage Review on Caffeine Critic!

Posted on April 28, 2010 by XAQuiri Daiquiri

A while back I reviewed a something called the Mini Chill Relaxation Shot, which I granted a very high score of 9.0/10 partially because of its refreshing taste, appetizing aroma, and fair value. The thing that really won the product such a positive review, was the fantastic way it makes you feel. You see, as the name implies, Mini Chill is a Relaxation Shot, meaning it makes you relax.

Think of Drank as the beverage form of Mini Chill. It’s a 16 oz. drink that’ll make you slow down, relax, and feel super awesome. It’s time to buy yoself a Drank.

Read the full review on Caffeine Critic!

[Movie Review] Couples Retreat

Posted on April 27, 2010 by Andrew Majors

Sometimes I like to punish myself by laboring through movies I have no interest in, just to see what the general movie going populous seems to enjoy. I feel it’s a valuable trait in a reviewer to not only review stuff you are expecting to enjoy, but to review stuff you might not be as excited about. However, these usually seem to be self-fulfilling prophecies when it comes to movies because Couples Retreat is freaking terrible.

The premise is as paper thin as paper thin it gets. A group of friends go to an island resort to investigate their relationships. There is the couple on the verge of divorce, the couple that is happy on the surface, the high school sweethearts who now loathe each other, and the recent divorcee and his young girlfriend. Stereotypical relationships to be sure, but with good writing those stereotypes would at the least be humorous (which I’m guessing was the intent). Continue reading →

The Pokevan is Finished!

Posted on April 26, 2010 by XAQuiri Daiquiri

A while back, we posted pictures of the Pokevan, which was the result of a case of late night boredom and extreme excitement for Pokemon Heartgold/SoulSilver. It took us a while, but it’s finally a finished product, guaranteed to get our friend laid every night for the rest of his life. Credits go to Zack McDonald for painting such an awesome van, even though now, in comparison, the other side he painted is pretty ugly.

Continue reading →