Category Archives: Food & Drink

Syzmo: Prickly Pear Review on Caffeine Critic

Posted on by
1

Organic energy drink can

… But before I get to the actual review, let me tell you more about this sore throat. My airway is practically swollen shut, though it is getting much better. Riddled along my tonsils are little puss-filled wart-like blemishes, plump and white, that occasionally pop and release a rancid odor. Everything seems to be getting a bit better, but now I’ve got this uncontrollable cough that projects a dark green slime from within my body into my mouth so I am forced to taste it. It tastes like guacamole. I don’t like guacamole. …

You can’t not read the rest of it. Check out my full review on Caffeine Critic!

[Food News] Taco Bell Introduces $2 Meal Deals

Posted on by
2

As if the Why Pay More? Value Menu wasn’t enough, Taco Bell is offering up a few new bargains for hungry eaters with thin wallets. The new $2 Meal Deals just hit the menu, though only in select areas for a limited time, and offer up something I’d never thought I would see on a TB menu — Doritos.

I know, right?

Anyway, listed below are the meals available through the $2 Meal Deal menu. All deals served with a bag of chips and a medium soft drink.

  • Beefy Five-Layer Burrito
  • Gordita Supreme
  • Grilled Chicken Burrito
  • Double Decker Taco

Bad Girl Turbo Energy Shot, Reviewed on Caffeine Critic!

Posted on by
Reply

I hesitated before slamming this stuff back. I mean, if I swallow this “Bad Girl,” I’m swallowing every one she’s ever been with. What if she has something? To help myself feel a little bit better about this, I ran to the Circle K gas station and bought a banana flavored condom out of the bathroom dispenser, ran back home and slipped it on. I’m not sure if it’s on properly, but it smells really good. I wonder what it tastes like…

Wanna know what happens next? Read the full review.

Caramel Kick Energy Coffee Review on Caffeine Critic!

Posted on by
Reply

I recently reviewed Adina: Vanilla Nut Case, an entirely organic coffee energy drink that proved to be a pleasant departure from the life of chemicals and artificial flavors I have chosen to lead. In fact, while Vanilla Nut Case only managed a score of 7.43/10 (Good), it still influenced me to try another product from Adina. So I ran out and hunted down today’s drink, a can of Adina: Caramel Kick.

Though I can confirm right away I am going to have the same gripes about the lack of value, which is what drug Vanilla Nut Case’s score down, I am hoping that I find the same quality of aroma and ingredients, maybe even a better flavor with Caramel Kick.

Read the full review on Caffeine Critic!

Amp Energy Gum Review on Caffeine Critic!

Posted on by
3

Are you looking for a delicious way to freshen your breath and get a quick boost of energy? Then look elsewhere, because Amp Energy Gum is one of the worst energy products I’ve ever experienced.

Topics covered in my review on Caffeine Critic include, but are not limited to, the Holocaust, incest bisexuality amongst nuns, dead babies being eaten by vultures, and dry butt rape. That’s right, all of those comparisons were drawn to indicate exactly how awful this gum truly is. I feel awful for writing such an offensive article, but it is for the good of my readers. Oh, and bestiality also gets a mention.

I suggest heading on over to Caffeine Critic to read the entire review.

Vanilla Nut Case Energy Coffee Review on Caffeine Critic!

Posted on by
Reply

I love vanilla. Those of you who followed my energy reviews on Everyview.com religiously (Hi, mom!) probably know that. It is my favorite flavor of all time. Vanilla cake, vanilla ice cream, vanilla coffee, vanilla chocolate, vanilla, vanilla clam chowder — anything vanilla is almost always a complete treat for me. Except for the vanilla clam chowder. That was fucking awful.

At any rate, I picked up a few drinks to review on the site yesterday, and one of them was Adina Vanilla Nut Case. Actually, the entire text on the front of the can reads: “Adina Natural Highs Vanilla Nut Case Fair Trade Colombian coffee with Milk Antioxidant Booster Coffee Energy Drink.” Yeah, I know. But regardless of how obnoxious the can may be, with words all over it and shit, I’m hoping Vanilla Nut Case will prove to be one of those magical concoctions that I dream about for months to come.

Read the full review on Caffeine Critic!

Drank: Extreme Relaxation Beverage Review on Caffeine Critic!

Posted on by
1

drank extreme relaxation beverageA while back I reviewed a something called the Mini Chill Relaxation Shot, which I granted a very high score of 9.0/10 partially because of its refreshing taste, appetizing aroma, and fair value. The thing that really won the product such a positive review, was the fantastic way it makes you feel. You see, as the name implies, Mini Chill is a Relaxation Shot, meaning it makes you relax.

Think of Drank as the beverage form of Mini Chill. It’s a 16 oz. drink that’ll make you slow down, relax, and feel super awesome. It’s time to buy yoself a Drank.

Read the full review on Caffeine Critic!

Apple Slam Headshot: Mega Energy Shot Reviewed on Caffeine Critic!

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve had this shot for a few months now, sitting on top of my mini fridge and gathering dust. I came across it earlier today while I was doing a bit of Spring Cleaning, and it fell out from under a pile of old porno magazines and Taco Bell wrappers. I was up late last night and was feeling a bit drowsy, so I wiped off the hand lotion and Fire Sauce that the tomb of trash it had been encased within for God knows how long and figured it couldn’t do any harm. I really needed the boost.

I really hope this thing doesn’t have an expiration date.

To read the full review, head on over to Caffeine Critic!

[Food Review] Burger King’s Whiplash Whopper

Posted on by
8

So it seems The King has joined forces with Iron Man to create a super duper promotional burger to push the Man of Metal’s highly anticipated new film, “Iron Man 2,” which I am effing sick of hearing about. Am I excited for the movie? Yes. How could I not be? Just looking at the cast roster for the film, which is loaded with at least one of every type of Hollywood badass out there, gets me pumped.

Do I want to see advertisements for this film every time I opening my eyes? Absolutely not. I already know it exists, and I already plan on seeing it whenever it is convenient for me to do so. Leave me alone, Iron Man 2, I’m tired of you hogging my magazines, movie previews, commercials and now my fast food menus. What’s next? Promotional free Iron Man 2 tattoos at select parlors?

Come to think of it, that would be sweet. Continue reading →

[Drink Review] Dewmocracy 2010 Lineup

Posted on by
4

Overview:

Earlier this week, I reviewed three new Mountain Dew flavors the company has released in its most recent “Dewmocracy” competition. I was hoping not to have to discuss these products any further (especially after the very public humiliation I encountered by having my grammatical inaccuracies  pointed out in a surprisingly sanctimonious string of posts from a young man who normally leaves us insightful and hilarious comments such as “SUP LADIES WANT DO SEX”), but Zac “Pritchy Boy” Pritcher had other ideas.

So here’s a recap… Continue reading →