[Energy Drink Review] Howling Monkey Sugar Free Energizing Cola

A portion of a Caffeine Critic review:

Howling Monkey. Quite possibly the greatest name choice of any brand in the history of Earth and yet this stuff seems to be ever elusive from the hands of even the most adamant of energy drink collectors. It’s almost impossible to find, though if you ever came across the fantastically designed circus-themed can it would be hard to miss. And as you can tell by the title of this post, I’m not even reviewing the actual energy drink, instead an energy cola that is simply an offshoot from the original product. I’ve never seen any Howling Monkey products besides this with my own eyes, and I happened across this by chance at my local Big Lots.

Read the full review on Caffeine Critic.

[Food Review] Ore-Ida Zesties!

Here’s a portion of a Does It Hit The Spot review:

If I had to make a list of only three things in the world that I love, it would be something like Nintendo, zombies and french fries. In that exact order. Trivial? If you think so then you are extremely shallow. Nintendo is the company responsible for the greatest video games on the face of this earth. Zombies eat human beings because they are driven by instinct to do so, and it’s entirely ok to blow their brains into oblivion. French fries? I shouldn’t even need to explain myself.

Ore-Ida has been a top player in the competitive world of frozen spud sticks for quite some time now, and one of their more popular inventions are the Zesties. These fries come preseasoned in the bag so that you don’t have to worry about performing tasks as strenuous as pouring Lawry’s salt on your freshly oven-baked side. You’ve already wasted enough energy opening the bag! And that’s not counting the process of preparing whatever brand of frozen, partially cooked, microwavable chicken patty you plan on enjoying them with.

Read the full review on DIHTS.com!

[Energy Drink Review] Tango Energy Juice

Here’s a portion of a Caffeine Critic review:

The aroma is a very pleasing blend of different fruity scents all mingling together. I smell apple, tangerine, and maybe some acai, among other things that I cannot pinpoint. The cocktail of fruity perfumes creates a very appealing aroma that smells fantastic and natural, a perfect blend for breakfast. There is nothing overly artificial, and no off putting traits that really stick out. A very well executed aroma.

I hate drinking non-carbonated liquids from cans for some reason. I’m not really sure why, but I’ve never been able to drink anything without bubble from anything but a cup or a bottle. That’s why, before drinking it, I poured tango into a 16.9 oz water bottle. What I saw was pretty scary; the juice was a deep, swampy green color that is in no way appealing. Yuck. Anyway, I pressed on, and drank it with little hesitation.

Read the full review on CaffeineCritic.com!

[Drink Review] Bossa Nova: Mangosteen with Passion Fruit

This is the first review in a series that will cover the line of super fruit juices from Bossa Nova. They offer a wide range of drinks, ranging from this Mangosteen and Passion Fruit flavor to Acai and Blueberry (which is, in case you didn’t know, one of the greatest flavor combinations on earth) and many in between.

Now, I’ve never had mangosteen but I am willing to try new things, especially when they are as loaded with antioxidants as this is. I’ve been trying all sorts of antioxidizing juices and overall “healthy” drinks lately for some reason (yes, I drink more than just soda and energy drinks), so I’ve got a pretty good idea of how this stacks up to some other products out there. Let’s see how it does!

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[Drink Review] Black Jack: Calypso Green Tea (Fifty Things I’d Rather Do Than Drink This Stuff Ever Again)

Black Jack’s Calypso Green Tea is one of, if not the worst thing I’ve ever drank. So, instead of writing a review and discussing the different attributes of the product as I normally would, I’ve decided to make a list of Fifty things I would rather do than drink this stuff ever again.

  1. Eat an oven roasted baby corpse
  2. Share the corpse with my dog
  3. Kill my dog
  4. Eat my dead dog
  5. Get raped
  6. Get raped by Dr. Phil
  7. Get raped by my own mother
  8. Cook my penis and feed it to Dr. Phil
  9. Use Ben Gay as lube for masturbation
  10. Stuff a lizard inside my pee hole Continue reading

[Energy Drink Review] Vital Energy (Acai – Blueberry)

A portion of a Caffeine Critic review:

Vital Energy has already proven itself as a competent brand to me once before in the form of their Tangerine flavored drink. It was a surprisingly solid beverage that, despite being an energy water, packed one hell of a punch. Now I’m looking at Acai-Blueberry, another flavor in the powerful line of products that has a flavor that sounds like it’s just about perfect for me.

Read the full review on CaffeineCritic.com!

[Food Review] Lay’s Kettle Cooked Chips: Harvest Ranch

A portion of a Does It Hit The Spot review.

I work at a grocery store as a bagger. Do you know what that means? It means I belong to the chain of stores I work for. I’m their slave. At times, I am their sex slave. I do what they say, when they say it. I have no input in anything that occurs in my company, nor will my opinions ever be valued by the higher ups. I push carts in 90 degree weather wearing black pants. I sweep floors, I mop spills, I clean human feces out of sinks in the bathroom, and I bag groceries with a smile on my face. I hate it.

Regardless, it’s a great place to work come lunch time. Anything I might be feeling that day is usually just a few aisles down. Of course, I also have a very tight budget. So when I’m not snacking on raman, Banquet meals, and dog food, oftentimes I’ll spend about $10 – $15 at once on food and feed off of it throughout the week. When I do this I like to get the basics: whole wheat bread, muenster, swiss, or pepper jack cheese, a 1 lb. package of lunch meat, Claussen pickles, and a bag of chips. Most recently I bought this Lay’s brand kettle cooked variety, the flavor sounding delicious and the “All Natural” label was enticing. They were a bit out of my regular budget, but I decided they would be a worthy trade over the usual bag of Funions.

Read the full review on DoesItHitTheSpot.com!

[Food Review] Raybern’s Deli Style Philly CheeseSteak

Over the winter time my pops and I went to Sam’s Club to stock up on freezer foods for whole sale prices. We try to keep a variety of grub in the icebox and try to keep an open selection so that nothing ever gets old. We stumbled upon these Philly Steak and Cheese sandwiches in the freezer foods section, specifically called “Raybern’s New York Deli Style Philly CheeseSteak.” Later into the night after coming home and hunger struck me, I decided to heat up one of these bad boys to see what they were like.

What’s really neat is that they’re wrapped up in paper, just like if you were buying it from a street vendor somewhere. You don’t have to unwrap it or anything, you just throw it in the microwave, heat it up for anywhere from 60 seconds to 75 seconds (depending on the wattage of your microwave) and you have a perfect-looking sandwich, melted cheese with the warm sliced steak, and the warm bread. When you bite into it, you have the authentic Philly Cheese Steak taste, and the nice thing about it is, you can make them whenever you want — because they’re in your freezer.

Read Trey Bolinger’s full review on Does It Hit The Spot!

[Energy Review] PowerBar Energy Gel Blasts

PowerBar is well known across the fitness world for their energizing snackfoods, and they seem to be held in pretty high regards and trusted by most of the active community. Ask anyone who’s into cycling, long-distance running, hiking, or weight lifting what a good brand is for an energy bar and chances are they’ll refer you straight to PowerBar.

Energy Gel Blasts are a new product from PowerBar, and are much different from their standard grain-filled candies. These things are more akin to fruit gushers than a candy bar, and seem to be perfect for quick energy when you don’t have time to stop and eat. Just pop one or two in your mouth, chew and swallow. That easy. But how well do they really work?

Read the full review on Caffeine Critic!

[Food Review] Oreo Brownie

When asked what their favorite part of the Oreo is, 99.95% of the Earth’s population will say the cream, while the other .05% are nay-saying bastards who claim they prefer the chocolate just for the sake of being unbearable douchebags who naysay for no better reason than making everyone listen to how “opinionated” they are.

Knowing this, it seems puzzling to me that the people at Oreo would set out to appease these idiots, as the brownie is much too chocolaty for its own good. There are small sections of cream spread throughout the surface, but it’s hardly noticeable. In fact, if for some bizarre reason I had decided to eat blindfolded, I am relatively certain I wouldn’t have been able to detect any cream at all.

Read the full review on Does It Hit The Spot!