Cocaine creator Jamey Kirby pointed these Brawndo ads out to me, and they’re hilarious. Obviously very Powerthirst inspired. The one above is my favorite, but there’s several.
Brawndo Ad
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Category Archives: Food & Drink
Review: Brawndo The Thirst Mutilator
Overview:
Ever heard of Brawndo? Well if you haven’t seen the cult classic film Idiocracy then probably not. Brawndo The Thirst Mutilator is basically a novelty energy drink, but one that excels far ahead of all other joke drinks and competes with big names like Monster and Bawls on all fronts, and actually wins in most.
Straight from the can:
BRAWNDO’S GOT WHAT PLANTS CRAVE! Brawndo’s got electrolytes. And that’s what plants crave. They crave electrolytes. Which plants crave. they crave electrolytes. Which is what Brawndo has. And that’s why plants crave Brawndo. Not water, like from the toilet.
Don’t try to make sense of it, because you can’t. Just take note of the fact that Brawndo has electrolytes and does not come out of the toilet, I guess.
Lots of Energy Drink Reviews are Coming!
Later today, tomorrow, and Saturday I think it’s only fair to warn you that you will be bombarded with awesome energy drink reviews which might be so awesome that your kidneys fail. You may be asking yourself something like “Why is he giving me so many awesome energy drink reviews? Does he love me?” The answer is yes. I love you very much. And also so that I can do a Holiday Buyer’s Guide for Energy Drink Lovers, and I’m pushing to get all Buyer’s Guides up before the tenth.
We’ve already done PC, DS, and Movie Lover guides, and still have several left to post! We should’ve started sooner, but we didn’t. Next year, though, expect awesome buyer’s guides by the first on December. Don’t hold me to that.
Click ‘Read More’ to see some of the Energy Drink Reviews that will be posted very, very soon.
Review: eRev Obscene Energy
Overview:
eRev Obscene Energy is a smaller known supplement made by an oil company. Yeah, I’m not kidding. Now I’ve had some bad experiences with unknown brands of beverages, like Gazzu. I’ve also had some rather enjoyable supplements attained through taking risks, namely with Venom. So is eRev a horrible concoction or a wonderful discovery?
Straight from the can:
WARNING! This can contains enough energy to raise your intensity to a whole new level! When you’re out of fuel and need a quick fillup, open a can of eREV Obscene Energy Drink. The high-octaine combination of taurine and vitamin B12 will jumpstart your engine into hyperdrive. Then, the harcore driving buzz will take you from empty to extreme in no time. Ask yourself this first:
Can you handle the rush? Continue reading
Review: Gazzu Energy
Overview:
Gazzu is a strange product. I really think the people who made this were trippin out on something. Hard. Why do I say this? Check out what they have as their product description on the back our the can:
This Gazzu is something really different. They tell me that it’s a guarded secret formula used to make it, and the word it it’s not from Earth. I know this guy, who is connected, and he told me the secret ingredient is like moon dust! They figured out how to grow it in these labs, like crystals. Man, this stuff is crazy, it tastes better than any energy drink I’ve ever had.
Awesome energy and taste that’s like ….. cosmic. It’s Gazzu!! Hey, gimme a G.
Moon dust? Really? Hmm.
Continue reading
Review: Cocaine Energy
Overview:
Cocaine energy drink is one of the most sought after beverages in the industry due to the fact that next no store will carry and the only way to get it is through the drinks website. I’ve always wanted to taste the drink responsible for garnering so much flak from state and federal regulators, and mine is finally here. It’s review time!
Straight from the can:
Warning: This message is for the people who are too stupid to recognize the obvious. This product does not contain the drug Cocaine (duh). This product is not intended to be an alternative to an illicit street drug, and anyone who thinks otherwise is an idiot.
Awesome. Continue reading
PackRat Paragraphs: Giant Monster Can Display
This one goes out to Tallboy2112.
Alright, you wanna know how I managed to get my hands on this? Shameless flirting with a homosexual Middle Eastern gas station attendant. I’ll leave the details to your imagination, but I don’t care if you make fun of me. I really wanted this thing.
Click ‘Read More’ for more pics Continue reading
Review: Monster Mixxd
Overview:
Ahh, Monster Mixxd. What can I say about you that you can’t say better? A lot. Let’s see what you say about yourself:
Straight from the can:
It’s midnight Wednesday and the house party is about to go off. Everyone is jacked-up on the latest batch of jungle juice cooking in the kettle. Bring back any memories?
How can a little bit of everything taste so good and work so damned quick. That’s kinda what we were thinking when we came up with Monster MIXXD. We took a bunch of our back-up flavors, tossed ’em together, F-NA it’s a masterpiece.
Monster MIXXD has a juiced-up flavor you can’t describe and a creeper buzz you won’t deny.
Don’t take our word for it. Check it out yourself. If you don’t like MIXXD you can have your money back.
Now let’s see what I have to say about you, Monster Mixxd. Continue reading
Help Cocaine Fight for our Rights!
Cocaine Energy drink is under complete assault. Because the drink is called Cocaine the Government wants to put them down! Don’t we have freedom of speech? I thought so. Don’t we have the right as Americans to say whatever we want? I thought so. Hmm…
Help Cocaine fight to protect our freedom of speech by making a PayPal donation here. Every penny counts, even the smallest donation with help their legal fund grow into something that could become a revolution, so don’t just sit there! Sit there and click some buttons to give Cocaine some cash, it’s for a just cause, I assure you.
Review: NOS Energy Drink
At least the bottle is cool
Overview:
Nos comes in a super awesome bottle. It’s seriously one of the neatest containers for an energy drink I’ve ever seen. It’s a 22oz blue bottle designed to look like a tank of Nitrous Oxide, hence the name NOS.
I can’t really compliment much of what’s inside the bottle, though. Mainly because it’s bad. Nos is one of those horribly salty, medicine-like drinks that make your teeth feel gritty and your stomach cry. Well, it’s not that bad, but it’s definitely not good.
Review:
Nos has somewhat of a citrus-like scent that makes your mouth water, mainly because it’s a little on the sour side. The aroma is actually probably the only redeeming quality about this liquid besides the kick.