[Footwear Review] Birkenstock Sandals

Posted on August 14, 2019 by Philthy Phil

females.. stop. I don’t know which one of you women woke up one day and decided that these are socially acceptable to wear, just because “they’re so comfortable.” It actually makes me want to fill a pillow case full of Crocs, and beat you with it. Now, don’t get confused. Wearing clothes for comfort is all fine and dandy, until you start thinking you’re gonna make some sort of statement. For example, if I see you out sporting your brand new Pulitzer dress, then look down and think my grandmother found a way to infuse her coconut oil and fountain of youth juice, I’ll punch you right in the mouth. No questions asked.

Before you freak out about my “punching women in the face” comment, let’s just think about the facts, they want to vote, drive tanks, run the country, ya damn right I can punch one in the mouth. Anyways, these sandals are best to be treated as handicaps pretty girls have to wear to make it even for the less fortunate, and for KFC buffet visits.

Score: 2.0/10

[Mini review] This humorously defaced $1 bill

Posted on May 21, 2016 by Casual Clay Cunningham

When we decided to give Everyview another go, I couldn’t wait to start cranking out the extensive backlog of ideas that had stacked up during our extended absence.

But as it turns out, writing can be quite difficult when you’re an ambitionless idiot with marginal talent. So until I get my act together, here’s a photo of an amusingly defaced piece of legal tender, altered by a mind far zestier than mine.

Boner bill Continue reading →

[Awkward Forced Socialization Review] A Nonspecific Casual Work Party I Was Required To Attend

Posted on March 2, 2012 by Casual Clay Cunningham

Business Casual

I’m not, by most accounts, a classy guy.

I don’t dress particularly well, I use an old cardboard box as a bedroom nightstand, and my eating habits are so poor that one of my two best friends in the world recently requested I photograph the contents of my refrigerator and email them to her so she could put them on her blog to allow her “high-minded” readers the chance to “find endless supplies of amusement at the absurd notion that someone with such a ridiculously unrefined culinary pallet could inaccurately convince himself that he is leading a worthwhile existence*.”

So naturally, I was less-than-enthusiastic when just two weeks into a new sports writing job, my employer “suggested” I spend a rare night off attending a Chamber of Commerce-sponsored business casual shindig of “all the Big Whigs of (my residing) county,” some of whom I would be expected to make professional connections with.

The evening garnered mixed results.

Continue reading →