Category Archives: Energy Drinks

Review: Monster M-80

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Monster M-80Overview:

Monster M-80 is another product from Monster Energy’s “Juice” lineup of drinks. I’ve already reviewed Khaos, which earned an impressive score of 8/10. Can the M-80 top it? Let’s find out.

Straight from the can:

The magical smells in the air driving to the Monster Energy Pipeline Pro Surf competition on the North Shore of Oahu was our inspiration for new Monster M-80. We started with a killer combo of local tropical juices, added in some original Monster flavor, then souped it up with a full load of our potent Monster Energy blend.

Banzai!

Monster M-80… another radical “Juice Monster” hybrid with explosive flavor and the big bad Monster buzz you know and love.

Let’s take a look at it, shall we?

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Review: Loca Moca Java Monster

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Overview:

I’m gonna keep this short and sweet. Java Monster’s Loca Moca blend plays out just like every other Java Monster product reviewed on this site. The same basic flavor, scent, amount of kick, and even can design. These products are starting to all fuzz together and taste almost exactly the same to me, only with minor differences.

Review:

Loca Moca tastes very similar to it’s Java cousins with one main difference. That variation is the addition of, as the name states, a rich chocolate flavor. Other than that, Moca has no major taste differences from Mean Bean or Big Black. The chocolate flavor might not even be noticeable to some, as it’s very discreet. The fact of the matter is, this drink is actually a little bit more bitter than it’s sister drinks.

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Review: Venom Energy Drink

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Overview:

Venom Energy drink is 7up/Dr. Pepper Inc.’s first adventure into the energy drink market. This is also the first product I’ve ever seen to come in what is basically an aluminum bottle. That’s right, this 16.9 oz supplement comes packaged in an aluminum container with a lid that is actually leagues above what the folks at Monster showed us with their Mega Monster supplement. Even better is that the can/bottle is very heavy, and since I recycle aluminum I’m gonna be rollin’ in the dough.

Straight from the can:
When you want to stay razor sharp, with the energy to strike first and leave your mark, you need the vicious Venom of a Black Mamba.

The Venom Potency Pack has a powerful dose of taurine, glucuronolactone, L-carnitine and guarana, giving it piercing energy that strikes back.

Wow… Piercing energy that strikes back. That’s metal!

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Review: Monster Assault

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Overview:

Monster Assault has been on store shelves for about as long as the original green drug has been available to consumers, and has almost as many dedicated addicts, or fans, as does it’s parent drink. If you like original Monster, you will most likely also enjoy Assault, as it modifies the distinct Monster Energy taste by adding what seems to be ginger. Maybe. I’m really not sure what it is, but it’s good to say the least.

Straight from the can: “At Monster we don’t get too hung up on politics. We’re not for “the War”, against “the War”, or any war for that matter.

We put the “camo” pattern on our new Monster Assault can because we think it looks cool. Plus it helps fire us up to fight the big multi-national companies who dominate the beverage business.

We’ll leave the politics to the politicians and keep doing what we do best — making the meanest energy supplements on the planet.

Declare war on the ordinary! Grab a Monster Assault and VIVA LA REVOLUTION!”

Wow, whoever wrote that obviously has an extreme case of A.D.D. I mean, they were all over the place. That, and they’re a liar. They aren’t for the war but they want to fight so they tell us to declare war. Or something. I quit paying attention pretty quick. I have an attention problem anyway. Does anyone have a bike?

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Monster Army

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I was looking around the web for information to use in the Monster Khaos review I recently posted and I came across something called the Monster Army. At first I wasn’t interested in joining, since I already had enough resources to write the review, but I was enticed with offers of free Monster gear. I decided I like free stuff, so I signed up.

Join the Monster Army

Join the Monster Army

The Monster Army offers chances for sponsorship for local and undiscovered extreme sports athletes. I’m gonna see if I can get sponsored as being an extreme bloggist. If it works out, which I doubt it will, I’ll give some loyal readers some free stuff.

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Review: Monster Khaos

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Overview:

Monster Khaos is a very, very unique product. It uses a creative energy blend that is so scientifically advanced that it has the ability to defy mathematical laws that have stood in effect for a very long time. How? The Khaos formula is somehow able to incorporate  an amazing ratio of 50% Juice and 100% Monster. Many would tell you that is theoretically impossible, but the folks at the Monster lab would spit pure energy on their face and then kick them in the chest for being such nerds.

Straight from the can: “It’s alive… Monster Khaos, an insane Juice-Monster hybrid bubbling with the great Monster taste and the big bad buzz you know and love.”

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Review: Big Black Java Monster

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Overview:

If you are the kind of person that prefers your Monster to bite back
then you are going to want to grab yourself a Big Black one. Grab it
tight and hold onto it with pride. Note how hard it is to wrap your
hand around this 15 oz behemoth. Can you handle it? Take a risk. Walk
up to the cashier and whip out your Big Black beauty. Tell him you
want it more than you’ve ever wanted anything. In exchange for your
$2.49 he will let you tear into this bitter-sweet supplement. Do it
slowly, try not to shake. Slowly lift the Big Black Monster to your
lips and take it all in. Don’t swallow yet. Savor it. Mmm.

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Review: Amp Energy: Revive

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Overview: Amp energy drink has recently released a handful of new flavors to the bustling market of highly caffeinated beverages. The one I am reviewing, Revive, is flavored with a “Burst of Orange Citrus” as well as a reasonable dosage of Electrolytes and B Vitamins to get your body and mind going in the morning.

From the can: “Revive and Hydrate with a burst of Orange citrus and an intense surge of energy to get  up and get moving again. Tackle whatever life brings with the power of Amp Energy and a specially formulated energizing combination of electrolytes and B vitamins to jump start your body and mind.”

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CNN Bashes Cocaine

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I was doing some random searches today and I came across a YouTube upload of CNN’s Betty Nguyen, better known as “that hott Asian lady on the news”, hosting an interview with James Kirby, the inventor of extremely controversial Cocaine energy drink. First off, he gets mad props for having the BAWLS (energy drink pun, sorry) to go on a network like CNN knowing his product is just going to get bashed to hell. Oh well, I guess all he wants is exposure for the drink. So far so good! But it really is somewhat interesting to watch him defend himself against her conservative attacks and generalizations and end up holding his own very well.

I thought the video was somewhat entertaining, so here’s an embed for you guys.

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