The only actual goal I’ve ever had in life (aside from the one of playing in the NBA which officially died after I failed to make my sixth grade A-team) is to compose a truly important piece of writing a large number of people could cling onto.
In that spirit, for the second time in as many days, I’m reviewing a candy bar. Continue reading
Wanna know how it feels to be a complete and utter dipshit? Try being in the break room at work and having your co-workers gawk at you as you eat and candy bar, while you are simultaneously giving pondering looks and taking notes between each bite.
So, after enduring an irreparable amount of emotional scarring, here’s my review of the Snickers Fudge Candied Bar.
Overview:
Having already achieved stardom with his role as Jim Halpert on NBC’s The Office, the naturally charming John Krasinski could likely coast through his movie career doing light, fluffy romantic comedies. Knowing that, he certainly does deserve credit for taking a huge leap of ambition with his feature directorial debut Brief Interviews With Hideous Men, which he adapted from a scattershot collection of stories of the same name by the late David Foster Wallace.
But ambition alone doesn’t make for a good movie. Having recently read Wallace’s book, I thought frequently that the material simply could not be adapted effectively. That thought still lingers after watching the film. Continue reading
Plot Outline:
A Serious Man, the latest film from eccentric filmmaking duo Joel and Ethan Coen, is set in 1967 and tells the story of Larry Gopnik (Michael Stuhlberg), a miserably unhappy physics professor whose life is an almost unbearable mess. His cheating wife wants a divorce, his kids are annoying and he’s sharing his house with his obnoxious loser of a brother all the while dealing with an assortment of professional problems. To try and alleviate some of his emotional pain, Gopnik seeks the council of various rabbis in order to get his life on track.
Review:
The film (which recently received an Academy Award nomination for Best Picture) is a strange movie to say the least. It isn’t so much about following a linear storyline, rather focusing on a series of events in the life of a very desperate man seeking something resembling relief. Some will find the movie to be slow and convoluted, yet it was so well done I had no problem following it on every odd detour. Continue reading
Recently I chronicled my disgusted infatuation with the occasionally horrendous, but consistently wallet-friendly Banquet Microwavable Meals. And while I stand behind by lackadaisical eating habits, there are just some special occasions where even the laziest of us want to treat ourselves to a nice meal. In my case, the definition of “nice” is limited to using the oven as opposed to the microwave.
So after some typical rowdy Friday night shenanigans (spending 25 minutes debating whether or not to do dishes or laundry before realizing, hey, I can do both!) I had worked up quite an appetite; an appetite which I felt only my seldom-used stove could alleviate.
Of course the appliance isn’t what makes or breaks a dining experience, and while there were various quality products I could have cooked in said appliance, Kroger’s Boneless, Skinless Chicken Thighs is not such a product. Continue reading
As a fan of both wise-ass comedy and trashy b-movies, it’s only natural for Mystery Science Theater 3000, a show about a man and two robots who hilariously poke fun at some of the worst movies of all time, to be one of my favorite television creations. While there’s certainly room to debate the worst movie ever shown on MST3K, my money is on Hobgoblins, a stunningly inept 1988 creature feature which character Tom Servo accused of giving him “current traumatic stress disorder.”
The film has earned itself a cult following, largely in part to the Mystery Science Theater send-up. To commemorate the 20th anniversary of the film, writer/director Rick Sloan, who’s actually gone on record declaring himself to be a crack addicted total idiot who had his brains replaced with rat droppings, filmed an alleged sequel called Hobgoblins 2. At the risk of summing up my review before it concludes, the movie sucks as bad as anything you’ve ever seen. Unfortunately, unlike the original, that’s not intended to be complimentary in any way. Continue reading
Overview:
For those of you who have ever laid awake at night wondering if any company could ever depict what perpetual bachelorhood tastes like, I’m here to tell you the people behind Banquet Microwavable Meals have been perfecting the recipe since 1953. As someone who’s ingested pound after endless pound of such loser delights as bologna, Chef Boyardee and hamburger buns to keep himself alive, I can say with great confidence I haven’t encountered any dining experience more successful in reminding me that I am alone in this world. Continue reading
Plot Outline:
Big Fan tells the story of Paul (Patton Oswalt), a 36-year-old parking garage attendant who lives with his mother and has zero prospects in both his professional and personal life. The only thing that gives his life meaning is his passionate love affair with the New York Football Giants.
Paul’s already unstable life spirals further out of control after a disastrous encounter with his favorite player, which results in him even putting his own well-being behind his intense fandom. Continue reading
Overview:
I stand behind no one in my love and admiration of The Simpsons, which I believe, beyond the shadow of a doubt, to be the best show in the history of television. And while I frequently bicker about how it jumped the proverbial shark long ago, the laughs and endless re-watchability of its early years more than cancels out any hostility I may feel towards a current batch of inferior episodes.
Last night, to commemorate the 20th anniversary of the landmark series, Fox celebrated its greatness with “The Simpsons 20th Anniversary Special: In 3-D! On Ice!,” a thoroughly entertaining and surprisingly in-depth hour-long documentary, made by Morgan Spurlock of Super Size Me fame, which proved to be a fitting celebration of comedy’s greatest accomplishment. Continue reading
For most of my life I’ve had a pretty casual opinion of Taco Bell. I always found it to be a moderately enjoyable fast food eating experience, but not one that would regularly make it to the top of my dining out list. That’s changed over the last year or so though, as their expansive collection of cheap menu items have been keeping my poor, emaciated ass alive.
So as a newly appointed fan I was somewhat eager to try out the latest addition to their $.89 value menu, the Beefy 5 Layer Burrito, and I must say it was more than tasty enough to reach my moderately high expectations. Continue reading