Author Archives: XAQuiri Daiquiri

[Energy Drink Review] AriZona Green Tea Energy Drink

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Here’s a portion of a review for AriZona Green Tea Energy Drink:

After popping the tab and leaning in for a whiff, I was taken completely aback by the disgusting aroma I had discovered. Tuna!? It smelled like fucking tuna! I don’t think I’ve ever ran into an aroma less appealing than this; the disgusting fishy smell of a nearly dead prostitute’s swollen, disease-ridden mound pulsing out a creamy puss-like substance from her bloodied and thoroughly gnarled snatch. I can almost imagine the greasy, wiry hairs now. Ugh. This smells awful. I even poured it out into a cup, thinking that maybe there was just some canned fish juice that had spilled out onto it. Nope, it smells like tuna. Absolutely disgusting.

Be sure to read the full review on CaffeineCritic.com

[Restaurant Review] Sea Dog Brew Pub

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Here’s a portion of David Roshinski’s review on DIHTS:

After interviewing with a brewpub before it opens, what is the next best place to have lunch with a old friend? Another brewpub of course! My friend Chris and I wanted to catch up since he just returned from Florida. Upon arriving the first small issue arose, the parking for the restaurant is quite small and I had a large boat trying to slowly push past cables into the water. However the view of the water from where I did get to park was well worth the minor frustration. The brewpub is located on the 3rd floor of the building and you can either take the stairs or industrial-looking elevator.

Be sure to read the full review on DoesItHitTheSpot.com

[Game Review] Metroid: Other M (Wii)

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System: Wii (Exclusive)
Developer: Team Ninja/Nintendo
Publisher: Nintendo
Genre: Action

It hasn’t been since Super Metroid’s release on the Super Nintendo that we’ve gotten a console Metroid title developed by anyone but Retro Studios. Having finished up their highly acclaimed Metroid Prime Trilogy at last and moving on to tackle other projects, Nintendo shifted the series from Retro and handed it to a team that no gamer on Earth could have anticipated: Team Ninja.

Awesome.

Team Ninja is best known for the likes of Dead or Alive, Ninja Gaiden, and putting a ridiculous emphasis on virtual tits and ass. But guess who else would be there leading the project forward? Yoshio Sakamoto, the man who crafted Super Metroid, the finest action-focused Metroid game in existence. With a team like this, it’s hard not to have high expectations for a game. Does Other M manage to live up to the ridiculous hype it garnered?

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[Energy Drink Review] THiNQ Sparkling Citricity

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Here’s a portion of a Caffeine Critic review:

About two months ago I posted my review for the Mixed Berry flavor of THiNQ, and now I’m finally back with a long overdue critique for Sparkling Citricity. Though in my defense I have been slowly polishing off the entire case sent to me by the kind folks at THiNQ HQ, taking mental notes on if the drink has been having any lasting effects over a long period of time. If you’ll recall in my Mixed Berry review, I said that regular intake provided sustained energy, but that was only over the course of a little more than a week. I wanted to know if it kept improving my energy level beyond that.

Be sure to read the full review on CaffeineCritic.com

[Movie Review] Survival of the Dead (2010)

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George A. Romero is and will always be the Godfather of the Dead. He basically single handedly invented and popularized the modern zombie through films like Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, and Day of the Dead, and while there have been countless takes on the zombie genre ever since Romero found massive success, no one has even come close to creating a film as entertaining or memorable as Romero’s earlier works.

Time and time again Romero has proven himself the king of the zombie film, constantly providing undead lovers like myself with the most entertaining, gory and thought-provoking zombie movies there are. In 2009, he released Diary of the Dead, a film that was definitely my least favorite of Romero’s works. It was a good film, but sadly it strayed too far from what made his earlier works, including 2005’s Land of the Dead, so fantastic. It was like when a band comes out with an “experimental” album. So when I saw early trailers for Survival, boasting a glorious return to form for the visionary director, I got very excited.

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[Energy Drink Review] Guru Iced Tea Energy Drink

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Here’s a portion of a Caffeine Critic review:

I enjoy tea, and I enjoy the idea of organic products. It’s weird, because I usually don’t enjoy energy teas (Save for the Slap Energy Drink products and a few others) and I generally don’t like organic energy drinks (except Syzmo’s Prickly Pear flavor and maybe some others). So why am I taking a chance on Guru’s Green Tea Honey-Lemon Iced Tea? Because I want to make sure you don’t have to.

It’s one of the biggest cons of running a review site such as this, and I’ve had to put up with several awful drinks. I mean awful drinks. Like, incomparable to anything else awful. But on the bright side, I’ve also discovered several drinks that I wouldn’t have otherwise known existed. Unfortunately, this isn’t one of those times. Guru’s Iced Tea ranks as one of the worst drinks I’ve ever encountered.

Be sure to read the full review on CaffeineCritic.com!

Sorry About the Lack of Reviews, I’ve Been Writing an Erotic Horror Short Story

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I trust I am forgiven, considering the circumstances.

For the past few weeks I’ve been hard on work on a couple of things. I just started a new semester of school, and I’m enrolled in 16 credit hours. I am running for mayor of my city, Terre Haute, IN. And I have been writing an erotic horror story.

Oh yeah.

Regardless, I just finished that off today and submitted it to the publishers, so hopefully it makes the cut in the upcoming anthology entitled “Nocturnal Emissions: Things That go Hump in the Night.”

I know, right?

Anyway, things should be getting better and more frequent here soon. This goes for all sites across the Everyview Network.

[Food Review] Taco Bell’s Cantina Tacos (All Three Flavors)

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Here’s a portion of a Does It Hit The Spot review:

Taco Bell doesn’t have authentic Mexican food. One look at menu items like the Tortada or the Enchirito should tell you that. People don’t eat Taco Bell because they want authentic Mexican cuisine, they eat it because it is dirt cheap and delicious.

Obviously someone in the executive office doesn’t realize that. Taco Bell recently released three “Cantina” tacos, chicken, steak, and carnitas, in an attempt to provide a more “authentic” Mexican style taco. Are these really authentic? I couldn’t tell you. Should I research it and find out to better serve you, the reader? Yes. Am I going to? No. But I will tell you whether or not these new tacos hit the spot.

Be sure to check out the full review on DIHTS.com!

[Energy Drink Review] Java Monster Lo-Ball

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A portion of a Caffeine Critic review.

Drinking Lo-Ball was a bit of a roller coaster experience. I went into it expecting very little, my expecations were risen by the delicious aroma and then beaten down by the gross taste. In the end I just sort of quit caring, as I’m sure you can tell by the brevity of this review. The bottom line is this: Lo-Ball is a below average energy coffee, but if you’re a calorie counting maniac who needs energy coffee, this might be your only choice.

Read the full review on CaffeineCritic.com!

[Android App Review] Jewels

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Platform: Android Smartphones (Reviewed on HTC Hero)
Developer: MH Games
Price: Free
Genre: Match-Three Puzzle

Jewels is, as I’m sure you’ve guessed if you have a functioning brain, a derivative of the phenomenally popular Bejeweled. Of course, match-three puzzle games have become more common than AIDS in Africa (was that in bad taste?) since the original Bejeweled launched in 2000, and for good reason. It’s simple, it’s addictive, and it’s fun.

Why am I reviewing a free Bejeweled rip off? Because Android users can’t currently get the real thing on their mobile phones, and everyone loves match-three puzzle games. There are countless variations of the genre on the app store, so I want to make sure you readers are able to find the best one. It’s not like I’m saving your money so much as I’m saving your time since this is a completely free app, but surely that’s good enough right? And I’m also really bored.

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