Author Archives: XAQuiri Daiquiri

[Food Review] Taco Bell’s XXL Chalupa

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Here’s a portion from a review posted on our sister site, Does it Hit the Spot?:

Taco Bell has done it many times before. If the powers that be can’t think of an entirely new product that uses the same handful of readily available ingredients and give a ridiculous made up name, like Tortada, then they’ll settle for the next best thing: take an old favorite, and make it bigger.

But how do they do it? How do they take something small, and make it big? Well, for any fan of great American Cinema, the answer is quite simple. In the critically acclaimed 1997 classic film Good Burger, the demented manager of Mondo Burger uses an illegal chemical known as Triampathol to super size his meat patties. Now, the director chose never to reveal exactly why Triampathol was made illegal, and I’m not even sure I want to know.

The point is, Taco Bell is obviously doing something to our food to make it bigger. All we need now is a few local psued0-Mex restaurant employees dedicated enough to breach the chain’s security and discover their secret and embark on a ridiculously epic quest to put their hole-in-the-wall back on top.

Read the full review on DIHTS.com!

[Energy Review] Revive Energy Mints

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Here’s a portion of a review on Caffeine Critic:

Revive mints look standard enough. About the size of a dime and the color of a Mucinex Tablet. The mint has a very smooth texture, based off appearance, and it has an appetizingly fresh, minty aroma. Everything seems to point to what is sure to be a very enjoyable experience.

However, a lot of that changes when you actually put the mint in your mouth. With a good mint, you can leave it in your mouth for a while, simply sucking on it and keeping your breath kissably fresh, though I do admit that it takes a lot more than a mint for me to be able to kiss a girl. Usually a brick to the back of their skull. I digress… Revive mints immediately begin to lose their super smooth texture as soon as they hit your saliva, slowly turning into a crumbly mess. It becomes gritty and texturally gross, and is a lot like sucking on sand.

Read the full review on CaffeineCritic.com!

 

[Food Review] Wheat Thins Stix: Honey Wheat

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Here’s a portion of David Roshinski’s review of the Honey Wheat flavor of Wheat Thins Stix on Does it Hit the Spot?:

A marketing agency working with the Nabisco Wheat Thins brand contacted me through email about taste testing their new product Wheat Thin Stix. The new product boasts a new shape of packing for easy sharing and a new shape compared to the usual flat squares.

That package looks different! What is up with that?

Looking at the new packaging there are three triangles in the front and back that push out the sides making quick snacking a little easier. The sides of the boxes have a division in the middle which could make an octagon out of the box, but all fail to properly push out at the same time. The additional bends in the box also make it a little more vulnerable to crushing on the go. Do I like the new shape? Yes. Do I think it’s perfect? No.

Read the full review on DIHTS.com!

[Game Review] Resident Evil: Revelations (Nintendo 3DS)

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System: Nintendo 3DS (Exclusive)
Developer: Capcom
Publisher: Capcom
Genre: Horror/Adventure

Let me preface this by saying that I love Resident Evil. I have Resident Evil tattoos, have read three different Resident Evil books (and reviewed each one), and have tracked down and played every game the series has released on a dedicated console here in America. Hell, I even forgave Capcom for the direction they decided to head with Resident Evil 5, provided it never happens again. The only thing I haven’t done is watched any of the films besides the shitty first one.

Revelations has been on my radar for a very long time and, after much anticipation, it’s finally here. After all the hype that’s surrounded it, is it enough to quench 3DS owners’ thirsts? Yeah. It totally is.

Continue reading →

[Food Review] 3 Musketeers Truffle Crisp Bars

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Here’s a portion of a review from Does it Hit the Spot?:

I’m way too fat for the bike that I currently ride. It’s an early 1990s Schwinn Le Tour that my step dad once used for racing in triathlons. Yeah, triathlons. As in three athlons. Under any normal circumstances, I would have never even thought of riding a bike like that. In fact, the only reason I have it now is because I found it in my shed, where it has been sitting for the past 15 years. When we found it, mice had completely devoured the padding on the seat, the tires were flat and the rims were a bit bent from sitting in a single spot for so long.

Since finding it, I’ve had it serviced, replaced the seat, trued the rims and put a decent amount of mileage on it. I love it. It’s super light and goes really fast, though I could complain about the lack of comfort one experiences while riding it. If I cared that much, though, I would just ride my 2010 Schwinn City Series, which is probably the most comfortable cruising bike ever made. I do ride it from time to time, but I’ve become accustomed to the insane amounts of speed made possible by this road bike.

What does this have to do with the new 3 Musketeers Truffle Crisp Bars? Absolutely nothing.

Be sure to read the full review on DIHTS.com!

[Food Review] Chicken Flatbread Sandwich from Taco Bell

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Here’s a portion of a review from our sister site, Does it Hit the Spot?:

I could use this review to complain about Taco Bell’s relative inability to use new ingredients. I could gripe about how every menu item has at least two others that are exactly like it, with the exception of sour cream here or beans there. But I’m not going to. Everyone knows that Taco Bell squeezes its stagnant list of condiments and fillers to get the most possible items without spending extra cash on new resources to bring in new ingredients to make truly standout food items. And does anyone really care?

No. You go to Taco Bell, order one of the same four or five menu items that you always have, gobble it up and are immediately satisfied. Every once and a while you’ll stray, possibly finding a new regular meal, but there are always those good ol’ Chalupas or Quesadillas that you’ve always loved. You feel comfortable gripping them in your hand, and that comfort is surpassed only by the familiar flavor; one that you’ve grown accustomed to and would hate to see change.

Read the full review on DIHTS.com!

[Energy Drink Revew] Red Bird Energy Drink

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Here’s a portion of a review for the Louisville Cardinals Red Bird Energy Drink:

Energy drink brands licensed by sports teams or athletes almost always suck.

Really.

The closest thing I’ve had to an energy drink endorsed by a pro sports athlete was Amp Tradin’ Paint, and that was licensed to the Dale Earnhardt Jr. name, and he’s not an athlete. He’s a race car driver. And anyone who thinks Nascar drivers are athletes, or that Nascar driving could ever be considered a sport is an idiot. That’s like saying cheerleading or women’s basketball are sports.

Read the full review on Caffeine Critic.

Ragin’ Cajun and Tangy Ranch Cheetos Review

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cheetos reviewHere’s a portion of a review for Ragin’ Cajun and Tangy Ranch Mighty Zingers Cheetos:

Throwing two different flavors into a single bag and calling it a day is certainly nothing new, as Doritos has been doing it forever with their Collisions line of chips. For Cheetos however, the idea of any flavor of snack crisp other than cheese or some variable of it seems ludicrous. That’s why New Cheetos Mighty Zingers caught my eye when they first came out some number of months ago. Sadly, they’ve been sitting in my locker at work ever since.

Luckily for you guys, I found them today (along with probably three other bags of chips, a box of cereal, some instant oatmeal, a bottle of honey, and a pair of women’s panties) and decided it was high time to give them a review. I really wish I could think of some clever joke to tell you right now, and throw a prominent “ZING!!!” onto the end of it, but unfortunately all I’ve got is a knock knock joke. Want to hear it? Read on, hungry reader.

 

Knock knock

I eat mop

EWWW!!! That’s gross! I can’t believe you eat your own poo!

“ZING!!!”

Pretty good, huh?

Read the full review over at Does it Hit the Spot?.

Theazine Energy Supplement Review on Caffeine Critic

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Theazine supplement review

Here’s a portion of a review for Theazine Energy Supplement:

Generally speaking, energy pills aren’t really my thing, and I’m not quite sure why. You can get as much caffeine out of a couple of tiny capsules as you can from an entire leading brand energy drink, only without all the sugars, carbs, and sodium often associated with highly caffeinated beverages. So when the good folks behind Theazine offered to send me a bottle of their product for review, I hesitated a bit before deciding to accept it.

Now I’ve meddled with energy supplements before, once to be exact, and had a very bad experience — a fact that likely attributes to my reluctance to ingest the pills now. I remember it vividly. I was taking a night class, algebra to be exact, during my senior year of high school when a fellow student offered me some supplements he’d stolen from a gas station before class was in session. Then, somehow, I ended up taking like six of them, likely due to a dare, and almost instantly regretted it. I felt dizzy, nautious, and my skin turned a strange speckled color combination of red and cream. And then I puked.

Looking back on that instance, I was an idiot.

Read the full review on our sister site, Caffeine Critic!

We’re Back!

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Er… kind of. Editor Clay and myself have been trying to get things up and running again here lately, but I forgot how much it sucks to have to be motivated and to do things like writing and caring. At any rate, I’ve managed to get most things functioning again, so feel free to either sit on this page clicking “refresh” every 18 minutes or to come back at a later date and see if we’ve actually managed to follow through.