Black Jack’s Calypso Green Tea is one of, if not the worst thing I’ve ever drank. So, instead of writing a review and discussing the different attributes of the product as I normally would, I’ve decided to make a list of Fifty things I would rather do than drink this stuff ever again.
- Eat an oven roasted baby corpse
- Share the corpse with my dog
- Kill my dog
- Eat my dead dog
- Get raped
- Get raped by Dr. Phil
- Get raped by my own mother
- Cook my penis and feed it to Dr. Phil
- Use Ben Gay as lube for masturbation
- Stuff a lizard inside my pee hole
- Drink bleach
- Drink my own semen
- Watch The Happening
- Pierce my own testicle
- Pierce my ear using nothing but my own testicle
- Eat my own testicle
- Make love to Regis Philbin
- Watch Regis Philbin make love to my mom
- Let my paralyzed uncle stick a DVD into my butthole
- Let my paralyzed uncle stick a DVD into my butthole without lube
- Touch fire
- Eat fire
- Touch fire with my penis and then eat it
- Eat spaghetti out of Roseanne Barr’s asshole
- Let a nun brush my teeth with hot sauce
- Brush a nun’s teeth with anything
- Bite a nun’s clitoris off
- Kidnap people from my family reunion and use them as sex slaves
- Get AIDS
- Get HIV
- Get genital warts
- Give crabs to my dead aunt
- Fart on a chocolate cake
- Eat chocolate cake after farting on it
- Eat meatloaf
- Fart on meatloaf
- Eat meatloaf after farting on it
- Listen to Fall Out Boy on purpose
- Hammer my pecker to an empty aluminum can with a rusty nail
- Push my thumbs through my own eyeballs
- Miss the zombie apocalypse for gay sex with a Chinese dwarf
- Lose my banjo
- Shave my pubic hair with a pencil
- Play through the Goosebumps game that’s on the Wii
- Watch newer episodes of Goosebumps
- Get a tattoo of a goose pecking at Bill Clinton on my face
- Eat cereal out of a baby’s soft spot
- Eat my great grandma’s wig
- Get a sex change and have intercourse with a dead hobo
- Listen to Sarah Palin give a speech
There you have it, fifty things I would rather do than ever drink Black Jack: Calypso Green Tea ever again.
Score: 0/10
51. rub my sack against rough stubble of a lumberjack’s face in subzero weather in a blizzard.
52. nuke my hometown.
53. make love to CDi Link while watching some chick I care about get raped.
54. give up the guitar.
55. FUCK A CACTUS!
56. FUCK A CACTAUR! (suggested by a friend)
57. Be the lucky fucker to give Sylvester Stallone’s face that face lift he needs so badly.
58. Deny Star Wars existed and claim extreme hatred for Han Solo.
59. Watch Star Wars Holiday Special again…
60. 59, only while my ball sack is being chewed on by a Tusken Rader.
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61. Put a broken glass tampon in my ass
62. Pretend the Simpson’s is still relevant
63. Cum in my own eye
64. Projectile vomit into my Dad’s mouth
65. Eat my projectile vomit out of my dad’s mouth
66. Spontaneously combust
67. Run over a cute little baby rabbit
68. Get run over by a cute little baby rabbit
69. Find out my girlfriend is pregnant
70. And so is her sister
this review sucked… i dont care what anyone says…. this was pure stupid.. thank you and goodbye
I get the feeling you didn’t care for the drink? lol
You had me at get raped by Dr. Phil.