Overview:

I’ve been a fan of Mountain Dew since I was a kid. I’ve continued to like it into my young adulthood, despite reports that it’s a “white trash” beverage, which greatly contradicts the very sophisticated lifestyle I live. I’ve even grown fond of product offshoots like “Code Red” and “Livewire.”

So when I heard the company was introducing three new flavors, called “Typhoon,” “Distortion” and “Whiteout,” in a promotion entitled Dewmocracy, where consumers get to decide which one becomes a permanent fixture in the Mountain Dew catalog, it’s safe to say I reached an excitement level that could be described as moderate to semi-moderate. And as it happens every time one of us here at Everyview discovers a new product, we feel a great sense of self-importance and get the idea we’re actually worthy enough to decide whether or not the public should be interested.

So with that said, I’ve decided to make my opinions heard on which one is most deserving of a slot in convenient store coolers. I’ll begin with Typhoon.

Review:

Typhoon, a fruit punch sort of creation, caught my attention as it’s orangish-red tint reminded me of my favorite MD flavor, Code Red. It’s label indicates the drink possesses a “punch of tropical dew.”

And I would say it is correct for it to play up the punch aspect, as when I took my first drink, it instantly reminded me of the tangy punch beverages they served at my high school prom. I realize that likely sound like an insult, but it’s not meant to be as I actually sort of liked that drink. And for anyone who never went to prom, this drink could prove to be a great way to reenact what your life would be like if you weren’t pathetic (though many, including me, would likely find you more pathetic for actually trying to reenact the high school prom you weren’t invited to. Seriously, just fucking move on!).

The best attribute I’ve always found with flavored Mountain Dew products is they always do a great job of helping me wash down the greasy diuretics I am always shoving down my gullet. Therefore, I was very happy to see that Typhoon proved to be a great compliment to the slice of meat lovers pizza I had warmed up for lunch. It is this attribute which primarily draws me to bottled Mountain Dew, and on that basis, Typhoon earns a very solid passing grade.

As for the caffeinated “kick” that is always being discussed in beverage reviews, I have to say Typhoon was fighting a loosing battle, at least in how I was using it. The aforementioned slice of pizza I ate with my drink was enormous, with toppings so think it elevated about eight inches off the crust. I essentially felt as if I had just eaten a cinder block, so a great deal of energy was out of the question. However, there was a certain degree of shame I generally feel after indulging in such eats that seemed to be missing, so while it may not instantly earn major energy points, this drink may have a future as an anti-depressant for the world’s most gluttonous individuals.

Final Words:

The biggest question I generally have when dealing with these sort of promotional product is would I ever buy it if it made its way into regular circulation. While I hardly did cartwheels while drinking this new concoction (which of course was impossible with the concrete slab that was resting in my gut), I could definitely see myself purchasing it on a semi-regular basis in the future. While I have yet to try all available flavors, Typhoon seems to be the early favorite to get my vote in the Dewmocracy (brilliant, just brilliant) competition.

Final Score: 7.5/10

Reviews for both “Distortion” and “Whiteout” will likely run at some point this week.