I’m 24. I’ve been to a few Halloween parties in my day. And with each passing year, I notice myself becoming more and more aroused by the types of costumes girls wear at these parties. It’s less about coming up with something funny or eccentric as guys tend to lean towards, it’s more about finding an outfit than will maximize your cleavage to the point that you can treat any male at the party like movie reviewers treat an Uwe Boll film. So, on with the countdown!!

5. The Naughty Cheerleader

On the whole, I find this to be a boring, pedestrian, easy costume choice. But, on the lucky night you find yourself staring across the party to a girl who you went to middle school with, who now, at the ripe old age of in college, is still able to wear that thing and finally fill it out like dog intended. My friends, we have our middle school overactive hormone fantasy (finally) completed!

4. The “No” Costume

You’ve seen them. The girls who go to a Halloween party and insists on dressing in some shiny cocktail dress like they are going to Studio 54 rather than playing by the rules. Now, it always frustrates me at first because I put tons of thought into my costumes (months ahead of time), but after awhile my rage subsides. Why? Because their boobs are hanging out. I’ve never looked over at a juicy rack at a Halloween costume party and thought, “Shit. She would look better as a bear.”

3. Some type of slutty Disney Character

I don’t know about you, but I watched a few Disney movies as a kid, and what hormone crazed male doesn’t at some point in his life want to hook up with Tinkerbell, Ariel, or Jasmine? What’s better than looking over and seeing  Snow White hammered and basically begging to meet the 8th dwarf, Raging Bonery? Hi-ho, indeed.

2. Some type of film/music reference

Last year, my girlfriend and I dressed up as Bleeker and Juno. Our costumes were spot on, and she actually won a contest for hers. It also gave me the excellent photo op of my best friend punching her (playfully) in her pregnant stomach. The pro-lifers in the crowd really hated that.

But any girl willing to dress up as something from an independent film or some type of veiled music reference easily gets bonus points. Here’s a little chart:

Girl in bra with animal ears: Bad.

Girl dressed up as Angus from AC/DC: (oddly) GOOD.

Girl dressed up as a nurse: Terrible.

Girl dressed up as V from V for Vendetta: Awesomeness.

1. The Just the Right Amount of Drunk

Now, I’m not condoning any type of forced entry here fellas (or scissoring, ladies), but Halloween costumes don’t really matter. It’s one night, one outfit, and trust me, if you want to be looking for anything, it’s the girl who has already consumed half a bottle of shitty Malibu Rum. Because costume or not, fantasy fulfilled or not, you’re going to get laid. Her inhibitions are lowered, she’s mingling without the company of her Cockblock Roundtable, and she was curious enough to ask what your costume was. I’m Ravishing Rick Rude. You have no clue who that is? Oh, yeah, it’s not The Hills.

So, there it is. The Top 5 Girls Halloween Costumes to look for at a party. Anyone know of anything better? Got different taste than me? Let us know!