After about a week solid of using a heavily convincing Russian accent at work and pissing off my lovely girlfriend to no end, I’ve decided I want to actually learn how to speak the language. I looked up “how to speak Russian” on Google and found a nice little site with some exercises, rules for pronunciation, and the alphabet. Yeah forget that. I looked at the alphabet, with all it’s backward 3’s, W looking things, 6’s and reversed N’s and I’ve decided it’s impossible. I don’t even think Russians speak Russian. They probably just drink lots of vodka and make random noises which people assume is foreign, but they are just trying to speak English through their drunken beards.

I think I still might try, though. It’s just gonna take 13 years to figure out that damn alphabet. Once I get it down, though, you’ll all be jealous because I’m gonna get to hook up with hot Russian chicks like this fine lady:

Oh wait… that’s just a fat kid!

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